Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
