Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
