it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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