I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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