Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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