Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So many bounce houses so little time
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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