He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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