i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
