my phone needs a breathalizer
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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