If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
