Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
