"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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