Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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