I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
