i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
