we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
