Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
