I smell stomach acid.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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