I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
