it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she smelled like a LAN party
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
