The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
