How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
