thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
