why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
