I just pynch a tree in the face
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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