My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
