If i come over, it means nothing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
