I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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