I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
