You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
