He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
