she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
