how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize