thus making me awesome and them whores
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
