I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
