be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
