Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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