its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
