he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
