Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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