Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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