Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
