She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
