I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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