Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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