Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
