it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
