your room smells of hookers.
And success
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
