I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
