Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
