A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
