I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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