Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
