I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
