Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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