you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
