Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
