i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dick very happy bro
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
