I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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