I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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