If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
