you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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