A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
