Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
