omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
