this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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