we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
