im drinking this country out of the recession.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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