How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
