Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
