I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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