you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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