note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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