3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i think my cat just said my name.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
