this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
