i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
