So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
