Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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