If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
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still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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