I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
