Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
