I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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