my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
