you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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