i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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