My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
