i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
